Last week our Wolf In The Den competition, celebrating our Dragon’s Den appearance, came to a close. Now we have a whole list of beards to go through to decide who we’re willing to invest in, with beard care products supplied by Totem Wolf.
In no particular order, here are the Beards of Wolf In The Den:
“Where do I start with this beard? It’s been with me now for a good few years, in those years it’s continued to grow, receive complimentary remarks and dazzle the public. Ignore the fact I’m actually on the toilet in this and just behold its magnificence… I don’t actually watch Dragon’s Den so no idea if I’ve pitched to you in a dragonly manner… Be well my fellow bearded brothers.”
-‘Ginger Ron’ (We don’t know your real name, sorry!)
“Because my beard (and waxed ‘tache) is a hand-crafted, steam-powered, Victorian creation.”
-Anthony L D
“Wait, you’re even asking?”
“My beard is the Bristlr logo and owns 51% of this damn company. It’s shares can only be bought out with beard oil.”
“Hello Bearded Dragons, I feel like my beard would provide you with a great opportunity to test your beard oil to its limits. My beard is regularly drenched in a heady mixture of craft beer, whiskey and my own stale, lonely tears. And i feel that my folicles could do with some cheering up. Let my beard help you, its what its there for. Whether it be for a crafty fondle before bedtime, or an invigorating tug in the morning, my beard is there, waiting.”
“Because if I do a handstand it looks like Johnny Bravo’s hair.”
“Mine’s already soft but would love the extra TLC…”
“Hello dragons, I’m Oliver Kennedy, and I’m here today with my beard, looking for an investment of 5 beard oils, for a 10% equity share in my beard.
My beard started about 1 and a half months ago and since starting revenue of the beard has grown ten fold.
Turn over at night has been a loss of 10 hairs per night, but with backing from a dragon like yourself I believe I can start to see a turn over of around 10 hairs growing a night.
My aim for the next financial year is to have a steady growth, leading up to 2018 where projected growth is around a yeard.
Thanks for listening to my pitch and if you have any questions I’d be more then happy to answer them.”
“Well is there anything better than a well groomed beard that smells nice when you get close?”
“Because my beard has the fire OF A THOUSAND SUNS!”
“This beard is 10 years in & yet to find a beard oil that can deal with the lustrous girth. However when oiled does shine & many many folk ask how do I care for the beard & this is where I tell them! Thanks Dragons Den, life got a lot more exciting on Bristlr that night.”
“Hello dragons. You have more money than sense… but you don’t have a decent beard. Give me all of your money and beard oil, or I’ll break into your houses and put one solitary beard hair in every cereal packet.”
“My beard deserves to win because it owns a particular set of skills, skills it has acquired over a long career, skills that makes it a nightmare for people like you, it will find you and it will win this prize…….
“Because she said ‘No'”
“Beards are awesome, and should always be celebrated. Especially if it contain hints of fire-red.
Beards are beautiful because the separate the men from the boys, and they demand respect and awe.
Any beard that can survive the cold, blistering Canadian winter deserves a bit of pampering. #WolfInTheDen”
“What? I can’t hear you because my beard is too awesome… Oh, a competition? Meh, whatever. I might win, I might not. Either way I win because this grows out of my face. Gaze upon it and weep, lesser mortals.”
“My beard deserves to win because my hands might be rough but I like my beard soft.”
“This is my beard. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My beard is my best friend. It is my life. I must master trimming it as I master my life. My beard, without me, is useless. Without my beard, I am useless.”
“My beard deserves to win as I’m a beard virgin and it needs to be broken in by the best.”
“Because it is natural, because it is part of me, because it is my own choice.”